24 Signs When You Should Give Up On A Separation
Separation before reconciliation is a phrase that is often used as a last hope when saving your marriage is a priority. The truth is positive changes can occur when married couples make one of the most difficult choices: decide to separate in order to resolve their deep marriage issues.
The 7 stages of separation can be tricky waters to navigate for any husband or wife, but positive signs during separation can and often do show up when a couple is living apart. That is good news for any couple going through a legal separation. Unfortunately, this article is going to discuss when things are not going so well. Like when set boundaries are broken, marriage counseling is not working, and even the Zodiac signs signal doom. Below are the 24 negative signs during separation that could signal divorce is on the horizon.
Related Article: 10 Ways To Find Out If My Husband Is Cheating
1. Your Partner Is Living Like A Single Person
One indication that your marriage is failing is if you and your husband frequently resume single-life activities like frequenting bars and clubs without one another. As one of the oldest sayings goes, “nothing good happens after midnight”. That means even if your husband or wife still loves you if they are living a single life it is only a matter of time before poor decisions are made. If saving your marriage is important then avoid the single life and do the work.
2. Your Spouse Is Not Involved In Future Plans
If you sit and picture how your life will be in ten or twenty years and your spouse isn’t there, it can be an indication that your marriage is in trouble. When a wife or husband’s future plans don’t involve one another it is a giant red flag that the separation from your spouse might be less temporary and more permanent.
3. Financial Decisions Are Made Without Talking With Your Spouse
Money is a major issue in most relationships. So it goes without saying a major component of maintaining a committed relationship is making key financial and relationship-related choices jointly. That means your marriage may be in a bad place if you or they frequently make these important financial decisions without consultation. Married life can be tough, but hiding financial matters will only make things tougher.
4. Someone Is Having An Emotional Affair
You may be having an emotional affair if you frequently communicate with someone else via DM, in-person meetings, or texts and you hide these interactions from your spouse. Even if your wife still loves you, if she feels better talking to another man it is a terrible sign. Sure having an emotional safari is not one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse according to Gottman, but it sure the shit is not a good sign for your marriage!
5. You’re Not Hurt Thinking Of Your Spouse With Someone Else
Between liking your spouse and being in love with them, there is a considerable difference. One indication that your marriage is finished is if you no longer feel in love with your spouse but simply care about them and want the best for them. Even if you don’t envision yourself with your spouse, you want them to be happy, secure and loved. More importantly, you don’t get upset thinking about your spouse being intimate with someone else, even mutual friends.
6. There Is No Physical Intimacy
Let’s start by recognizing that marriage isn’t only about sex. Nevertheless, sex and other forms of physical intimacy are crucial to a healthy marriage. If you and your husband haven’t engaged in any sexual activity for several months or perhaps years, your marriage is likely over.
7. Lack Of Respect When Discussing Having (More) Children
It’s possible that you don’t want children but your partner does, or vice versa. Well, people’s opinions differ from one another, and not having open communication about what each person wants is a negative sign. If you and your spouse talk about what you want out of life, respect each other’s viewpoints, and come up with a compromise, the problem of having or not having more kids will be under control before it boils over. However, if the situation gets so out of hand that simply discussing having children or not constantly results in a heated argument it is a red flag for the marriage.
8. You Don’t Care To Spend Quality Time With Your Spouse
Is date night no longer a thing in your life? Have you been passing up the majority of chances to spend time alone with your spouse or partner? Well, choosing to avoid your partner than spending quality one-on-one time can imply that you no longer value their company. That is no bueno for a marriage.
9. There Is A Lack Of Compromise
Making a marriage work requires compromise on both sides and the willingness to engage in talks to find a common ground in even the most challenging circumstances. If this is consistently not taking place, it could be time to think about the negative impact it is having on your marriage.
10. You Think About Divorce When Upset With Your Spouse
Do you frequently consider ending your relationship or find yourself bringing up divorce anytime you and your partner argue? If so, this is just more indication that reconciliation after separation is probably a pipe dream.
11. You Don’t Want To Hear What Is Bothering Your Spouse
When one or both spouses don’t seem interested or bothered to listen to their partner’s problems it is clearly not good for either the husband or wife. If you can tell if your wife or husband gives zero fucks about your day then consider it another bad sign for the marriage.
12. You And Your Spouse Are Not Friends
An intimate relationship that fosters excellent emotional connection is the cornerstone of a successful marriage. A clear indication that a marriage is failing is a lack of emotional closeness.
13. You Don’t Feel Like Yourself With Your Spouse
If your spouse no longer believes in what you stand for, and what your views and values are, then you probably don’t want to act like yourself around them. This is not a good sign. Of course, couples can have different personality types, but a successful marriage involved embracing those differences. Allowing each other to express themselves and be who they are. Married couples should always feel like themselves and not feel like they are walking on eggshells.
14. There Are More Arguments And Fights
Any marriage will inevitably have some conflicts. However, there are numerous problems in the marriage if disagreements aren’t resolved amicably and frequent explosive disputes occur. Marriage issues should not justify hostile fighting. This is certainly the case when it comes to emotional abuse, physical abuse, or any type of abuse that makes you feel less than.
15. People In The Relationship Lack Respect For One Another
A marriage must include two people who have mutual respect for one another if it is to succeed. One further indication that your marriage is finished would be if you believe you can’t respect your partner’s views or them in general.
16. Increased Feelings Of Self-Doubt
You can be overcome with self-doubt if your spouse has stopped prioritizing you or no longer values you. This can be a blatant indication that your marriage needs more attention. It may be the end of your marriage if you are unable or unpersuaded to work through these issues. You are in charge of taking care of yourself and if you can’t take care of yourself it will be difficult for you to take care of your marriage. Focus on improving your mental health, physical health, and spiritual health.
17. You Feel Depressed Thinking About The Marriage
If one or both of you are feeling distant from your partner as well as from your family or friends, you may be feeling useless, hopeless, or powerless. If you no longer enjoy the things you used to like these are symptoms of depression. Mental health is not only important to your quality of life but the quality of your marriage. So if you feel depressed about yourself or your marriage seek professional help immediately.
18. Work & Family Imbalance
Making enough money to provide for a family is not easy. But the heavy imbalance in work and family life can lead to marriage issues. This problem stems from a lack of empathy, comprehension, and regard for others, even if the neglect comes from a good intentioned place. This kind of inequality may make people quite resentful of one another.
19. Past Secrets Start Coming Out
Has your husband told you about things you never knew during a heated argument? Maybe your wife wants to reconcile but told you she sent nude photos to another man during your marriage? It could be time to split ways if you or your partner have been keeping some significant secrets from one another and they are now revealed (for example, your wife is in love with someone else or your spouse is bisexual).
20. You Feel Good (When Your Spouse Is Not Around)
This is especially important for those whose partners cause them distress or suck all their energy and passion. Another indication that your marriage is finished is if you always feel like yourself and are content when your partner isn’t there. Spending time alone is good for your personal mental health, and even better if there are signs she misses you when you are gone. But if you always feel good when your spouse is not there let me state that is unequivocally not good for your marriage.
21. There Is A Lack Of Sharing Of Feelings & Emotions
This idea is related to the absence of emotional closeness. Sharing your life with someone else is what marriage is all about. That marriage can be ended if there is no longer any willingness to exchange ideas or goods.
22. Negativity Is Everywhere
Let’s say your attitude about your spouse and the marriage changes for the worst, and you only have unfavorable sensations and thoughts about the union. If so, this is just more indication that your marriage could be over.
23. You Think About Cheating On Your Spouse
One of the telling indicators that your marriage is headed for an uncontested divorce is if you find yourself daydreaming about being single and hunting for rebound relationships.
24. Contempt For Each Other Looms Large
Resentment is the root of contempt. It could be time to end the relationship if there is a lot of animosity between the husband and wife.
Related Article: Do Single Moms Ever Find Love Again?
What Not To Do When You Are Separated
The most important thing not to do when you are separated is to read something online and take that as gospel when it comes to relationship advice. Your friends or family are not marriage counselors and information found online is not fact-checked by medical reviewers. Legal separation and divorce are very serious decisions that can have far rippling consequences. This means you should seek qualified, professional help if saving your marriage is a priority! An experienced professional will not only help you with marriage issues but identify why they are occurring. This can be addressing personality types to possible past abusive relationships that helped shape your way of thinking and decision making.
Sage is a freelance writer with a background in information technology.
- 24 Signs When You Should Give Up On A Separation
- 1. Your Partner Is Living Like A Single Person
- 2. Your Spouse Is Not Involved In Future Plans
- 3. Financial Decisions Are Made Without Talking With Your Spouse
- 4. Someone Is Having An Emotional Affair
- 5. You’re Not Hurt Thinking Of Your Spouse With Someone Else
- 6. There Is No Physical Intimacy
- 7. Lack Of Respect When Discussing Having (More) Children
- 8. You Don’t Care To Spend Quality Time With Your Spouse
- 9. There Is A Lack Of Compromise
- 10. You Think About Divorce When Upset With Your Spouse
- 11. You Don’t Want To Hear What Is Bothering Your Spouse
- 12. You And Your Spouse Are Not Friends
- 13. You Don’t Feel Like Yourself With Your Spouse
- 14. There Are More Arguments And Fights
- 15. People In The Relationship Lack Respect For One Another
- 16. Increased Feelings Of Self-Doubt
- 17. You Feel Depressed Thinking About The Marriage
- 18. Work & Family Imbalance
- 19. Past Secrets Start Coming Out
- 20. You Feel Good (When Your Spouse Is Not Around)
- 21. There Is A Lack Of Sharing Of Feelings & Emotions
- 22. Negativity Is Everywhere
- 23. You Think About Cheating On Your Spouse
- 24. Contempt For Each Other Looms Large